The Ko-Written Story

Hello Everyone/Friends/Community,

Welcome to our Ko-written blog! Sam here. I don’t know who or how many people will be reading this (which hopefully explains the struggle in the salutation), but, I am so excited to finally be putting into action an idea that has been gestating inside of me for so long—and to be doing so with my BEAUTIFUL sister. (Honestly, I think Sarah is one of the most beautiful people in the world and that God could’ve spared a teeny bit more for me.)

A part of me is so unbelievably confident that I am destined for greatness and that I have something worth saying (not sure what or how to say it, though). I also believe that our synergy, fun stories and varied experiences have the potential to resonate deeply with millions of people, add value to their lives, and catalyze them to grow into their own consciousness, intimacy, and relationships. I am a dreamer. 

In my fantasy, this blog is going to take off, we’ll get a six-to-seven-figure book deal—maybe even start a podcast—and have a multi-part TV series or movie made about me/us. My calling to wealth and fame as the first Asian Oprah will have begun to materialize, and I will have a profound influence on many peoples’ lives, much like that of Toni Morrison, Audre Lorde, bell hooks, Michelle Obama, Roxane Gay, Kenji Yoshino, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Pose, and so many other of my mentors and non-listed pop culture icons. . 

Luckily, I have my sister (and therapist) who grounds me in reality. Just today, Sarah told me that her purpose for engaging in this project is to make meaning out of her own life (I’ll let her go into her own details). She finds value in the writing itself and the increased closeness with me. I know, I have such an amazing sister who grounds me, in her own way, and supports me so that I can actually achieve my dreams—even though she may be smitten with a tinge of jealousy^^. 

And so, much like how I responded when we were younger, after Sarah would take me into her room and yell at me or shove me down (onto) soft surfaces (once down a carpeted staircase) for not being “a good son” (yes, she played the role of mother growing up, but I’ll let her go into that too), I cry, repent, and then reflect.

Now, at 31, as a trained therapist, this means offering myself acceptance, compassion, and non-judgmental, empathic listening. And trying to accept it. It means I understand how exhilarating it feels to dream, and how I love my capacity to relish in these mountain top experiences. It also means bringing to consciousness the very sadness, loneliness, fear, and pain that that dreamer has a tendency to ignore, or numb, or even exile. And, of course, trying to nurture these very difficult, seemingly inconvenient emotions. 

Earlier today, I watched a Tik Tok that said something around the lines of 

queer people don’t grow up being themselves. They grow up playing a version of themselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimize humiliation and pain. The massive task of our adult lives is to pick which parts of ourselves are truly us and which parts were created to protect us.

And this is why I am here. Writing. I am trying to become whole again, if that even is a thing. Trying to live my best, authentic life. Trying to stop trying and start living. I hope I will make meaning out of my own, intimate pain and suffering. I hope I will be seen—my truth borne witness to—and I hope I make an impact. 

I am here to show up, and even to have fun doing so, engaging in this titillating project with my sister, whom I love so dearly and whose love I hope to understand better. I am here to challenge and be challenged—to pay the price of discomfort for relational intimacy.

So welcome to my journey. To our journey. While we may not be as comedic as David and Alexis (goals, tbqh), We are hoping that our posts, which may take on the form of articles, essays, poems, letters to each other, rants, you name it, will bring us closer to ourselves, to each other, and to you, our reader(s).